Faith Over Fear

I was recently diagnosed with a certain type of scoliosis called the S type scoliosis. Where my spine is shaped like a S. After I went through about 8-10 sessions of physical therapy my pain kept getting worse. To a point where it went from the pain only being in the lower back now to the whole back going up around my neck and around my hips which radiates to my right arm and legs. I had to redo x rays and got scheduled for a MRI while also being prescribed pains meds and muscle relaxers.

My biggest fear was that I wasn’t able to use my gift of music and be apart of the worship team at my church due to my medical issues that’s preventing me to play for prolonged times at a fast beats per minute or even stand too long. The gift I used to be able to show my love to the one that’s never left my side even at my lowest point where people walked away, who loved me when I couldn’t even love myself, Jesus. I feared that without my ability to play my guitar or even play music I wouldn’t be worthy of God’s love. I’ve come to realize that He doesn’t care about the works that you do, He only cares and wants your heart. During this medical journey my faith has been tested over and over to a point I wanted to give up. The further I am on this journey I realized and remembered that Jesus suffered so much worst when He paid the ultimate price and made a way for us to spend eternity with Him. He endured the pain for us. So I can learn to do the same. I just have to hold on a little longer and remember to trust in God. He has a plan for my life and He will use the pain I’m enduring for His glory. During the young adults worship night at my church I was reminded that everything under the sun is temporary and that everything has a season. God’s timing is perfect. I’m learning to be patient and trust Him even though I do fear the unknown. I find comfort that I don’t have to walk this journey and storm along. He is always with me. Being my strength when I feel weak. Giving me love when I can’t find some for myself, and being patient when I don’t listen and decide to be a rebel.

God I lay down all my fears and anxieties I have for the unknown. Even though I don’t understand the plan right now, I will in time. Help me to lean on You when I feel weak and unable to stand. Help me to trust in You and not lean on my understanding. Be my refuge and my anchor in this storm I’m going through. Guide me where you want me to go to do your will. Surround me with brothers and sisters so I don’t fall into temptation and fall back into my old ways. Help me to be vulnerable and soften my heart so I can let Your people in. Holy Spirit teach me to let go of things that I’m holding on so tightly that preventing me to growing deeper in my relationship with the Heavenly Father. Close any doors that’s not of your will and open the doors you want me to walk through. Thank you for surrounding me with the brothers and sisters you sent into my life. My life wouldn’t be the same without them. You left the 99 to find me in the wilderness lost and alone and brought me back home. I will forever be grateful because if things were different I would be separated from you for an eternity. You gave me a second chance that I don’t deserve but you gave it to me anyway. Words can’t explain what I’m feeling. God thank you for sending your son Jesus to die on the cross for my sins and endured the ultimate sacrifice to make a way for us to spend eternity with you because you didn’t want to leave us behind in a broken and sinful world. You wanted to bring us home, your sons and daughters. Thank you for being a Good Good Father. In Jesus name Amen 🙏🏽